Paranormal Activity

Paranormal Activity: Abridged Script

Katie: There’s a demon following me.

Mica: To remedy this, I’m going to make home movies of us!

Katie: But this is an actual movie. Won’t a two hour long home movie be kind of boring to watch?

Mica: Yes, which is why every 10 minutes or so we’ll throw in something PARANORMAL!

Katie: Like doors closing by themselves and me staring at you while you sleep?

Mica: Yes, IT’S TERRIFYING! You just stand there for hours watching me!

Katie: WTF, it was romantic when Edward Cullen did it!

Mica: Anyway the point is because it looks like a home movie, people will think its real!!!

Katie: Won’t that just make this look like a cheap, failed attempt at a horror movie?

Mica: Nope, actually for some reason everyone buys it.

Katie: Wow, I’m bored already. Can you just tell me how it ends?

Mica: You get possessed and kill me, but the camera remains behind with the recorded evidence. ISN’T THAT SWEET!?

Katie: So the demon is smart enough to stalk and possess me but not trash the camera? And people buy it? And why do you get killed? I thought it wanted me?

Mica: I’m over-enthusiastic and annoying, and it was the quickest way to end this sad excuse for a movie.

Katie: And this entity has been stalking me for years, but it conveniently chooses the 3 week period of this movie to possess me?

Mica: Yeah, I pissed it off by filming it.

Katie: Good to know demons are so easy to manipulate. So seeing as this is “real” it should be all over the news and such right? “Video proof of demon!!’ or something like that?

Mica: Nope, everyone will accept that selling the videos to a director was the best thing the police could think to do with this footage.

Katie: Does anyone know that Paranormal Activity was made by the same people who made The Blair Witch Project?

Mica: Yup. It’s fairly well known.

Katie: Man, people are really easy!

Mica: Happy nightmares everyone!