**Jaden Smith and his Mom are on a plane
Jaden’s Mom: We’re going to CHINA
Jaden (speaking Chinese): It’s my job to act bored and pissed off for the first half of the movie, but also to be adorable so that the audience ignores the fact that I’m kind of a brat.
Asian: Dude, I’m from Detroit
Jaden: Heehee, my bad, how terrible of me to stereotype you like that!!
**They arrive in China
**A blonde American boy shows up
Blonde American: Hey! I’m American, too!! We should be friends because we share this unique bond! Oh, and this is China
Jaden: Why? No-one speaks to me in Chinese for the entire movie, at least not without a translator. English for the win!
Blonde American: Do you want to come hang out with me at this CHINESE PLAYGROUND where you’ll meet the love of your life, and get the shit beaten out of you, all the while being surrounded by unique Chinese culture!?
Jaden: You mean people playing ping-pong? Sure, why not.
**Jaden meets the love of his life, Meiying, and impresses her by dancing and losing a game of ping-pong. An ANGRY CHINESE BOY notices this.
Angry Chinese boy: I’M GOING TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!! AARRRGGGGHHHH!!!
Jaden: Boy, you sure are angry!
**Jaden gets bullied and then sees a Kung-Fu academy, which Angry Chinese boy attends
Jaden: UGH! I hate China
Jaden’s Mom: What’s wrong, Jaden?? Did the Karate school upset you??
Jaden: MOM! It’s not Karate! It’s Kung-Fu! God! You’re so uncool!!
Jaden’s Mom: Really? But the movie is called “The Karate Kid”????
Jaden: I realise that! But the audience hasn’t! Shhhh!
**Jaden gets bullied some more. Moody Jackie Chan shows up and saves the day with his ability to beat up 12 year old boys.
Jaden: DUDE, you’re so COOL! Please can you help me confront my bullies?
Moody Jackie Chan: If by help you mean enter you into a Kung-Fu competition that’s way beyond your skill level against your will then sure!
Jaden: But these kids have been training their whole lives at a KUNG-FU ACADEMY
Moody Jackie Chan: I will teach you REAL Kung-Fu.
Jaden: Really? … Are you sure that’s the story you want to stick with?
**Moody Jackie Chan makes Jaden do pointless things for half the movie which somehow makes him good at Kung-Fu. They go to a big monastery type thing and see a CHICK balancing on one leg with a COBRA.
Jaden: Wow, I wonder if seeing this will come in handy later!
**Jaden hangs out with Meiying.
Jaden: Lets go have some fun!
Meiying: Fun? What is this word? I have never heard of it!!
Jaden: Lol, you Asians are so hard working!
Meiying: Wow, Jaden, you really do broaden my horizons! Oh and I can never see you again, you’re bad for my life.
**Jaden finds Moody Jackie Chan beating the shit out of his car
Jaden: Jackie, what’s wrong!?
Moody Jackie Chan (crying): I just watched “The Spy Next Door”, my career is over!!
Jaden: Cheer up man, let’s go do some Kung-Fu!
**Jaden makes up with Meiying and goes to the Kung-Fu championships
Moody Jackie Chan: Jaden! You’ve made it to the semi-final! It looks like everything is going to work out for you!
**The INCREDIBLY ANGRY KUNG-FU TEACHER gets Jaden’s leg broken
Incredibly Angry Kung-Fu Teacher: Ha! Now there is no way you can beat ANGRY CHINESE BOY in the finals! MWAHAHAHAHA!
Moody Jackie Chan (thinking): I’m sure there must be a solution to this…. When have we ever seen someone fight with only one leg?
Jaden: The COBRA-CHICK!
Moody Jackie Chan: Well, it would be physically impossible for you to lift up your broken leg in order to look cobra-ish and pull that move off, but other than that it sounds like a smashing plan! Go Jaden!!
**And so, by defying the laws of the universe, Jaden WINS and becomes KUNG-FU CHAMPION!
Angry Chinese Boy: Wow Jaden, you sure showed me! Here’s your trophy. Nothing like getting your ASS KICKED to teach you to leave someone alone. Jackie, will you be my new teacher?
Moody Jackie Chan: DON’T SAY ASS!
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