Feelings

So... I have some bad news. I've got Feelings. (See what I did there? I made it sound like a disease). Anyway, here's how I got Feelings.

So, I used to be kind of a badass. This was me:
"Feelings? What are these things you speak of?!" *kicks a puppy in the face and feels nothing*

But then, I started becoming friends with real people. With like, real feelings. And they made me feel really loved and supported. So my feelings were all like... "We're not dead, just in a coma" So then I was like:
"OK, puppies are kind of cute."

Then, I got into a relationship. And I felt ridiculously loved and supported. And my feelings were all like, "FREEDOM!!" And I became a person with feelings. So I became like:
"PUPPY! I LOVE YOU PUPPY!"

Then I started to feel less loved and supported, so then I got even more feelings. Bad ones. So I was like:
"Puppy... Do you love me too puppy?"

And then I got out of a relationship. And then my feelings were like a kid who has eaten too much sugar and is running around in circles maniacally, with no control over where it is going. So I was all like:
*sees puppy* *cries hysterically for an hour, with intermittent laughing attacks*

So... I don't kick puppies anymore.

Feelings piss me off.


*note* So it's 3am and I can't sleep. So I wrote this post. I don't know if I should publish it or not. I think I'm going to. I don't think people will take it seriously and message me like "OMG Shan, are you OK??" Because that would be unnecessary. Ok I'm going to publish it. Also, I never really kicked puppies. Just so you know.

*update* it's actually 4am