New Blog

So, as you may have noticed, I haven't been blogging much lately. Most because I'm not inspired to write about things that piss me off anymore. I want to write about other things too. So I've created a new blog, where I'm going to keep posting rants, as well as other funny posts.

Please leave subscribe and leave comments (on the new blog) about what you'd like me to blog about. The blog is called Banana Nut Muffins and the link is http://banana-nut-muffins.blogspot.com/

Right now I've just copied my best blogs from this site, edited some of the earlier ones and reposted them on my new blog. But a new blog will be up on the 13th of every month (possibly more often) so be looking forward to that.

Thanks for all of your support. ^^

Just... Because

You can't mix the words hardcore and badass. You end up with either hardass or badcore. They're both super lame and don't describe hardcoreness or badassity. And it pisses me off.

Hipsters

So this is going to be a short blog, firstly because I’m really busy at the moment and secondly because I don’t have much to say on this topic. But I’ll be writing a long rant about Herd Mentality as soon as I can, so look for that.

Anyway, today I want to talk about Hipsters.

I’m not talking so much about the general understand of Hipster, but more people who act really smug when they’ve done/said something before someone else.

For example, a friend of mine posted a status with a funny observation that she’d made.  Then a friend of hers commented saying that someone else had “beaten her to it”. Like my friend was posting a funny status because she wanted the world to know that she was the first person who had ever noticed this thing that she’d noticed. I mean saying “beat you to it” makes it seem like a competition. “Oh, you wanted to be funny, too bad! Someone has already been funny before! You lose!” 

Just because someone else has done something before you have, clearly you can’t do it anymore. Because the purpose of life is to be completely original all of the time. Your ideas/observations are only funny if no-one else has ever thought of it before, understood? 

Nothing is original anymore. There are so many people in the world that it’s highly unlikely that anyone will think/say something that millions of people haven’t already thought/said. So, telling people that someone has “beaten you to it” deserves a Nicholas Cage “You don’t say” face. Of course someone else out of 6 billion people has done something that you’ve done.

The same thing with 9gag. Let’s say Jill sees a funny quote on 9gag, she might be like “well, that made me lol quite a bit, I think I’ll post it as my Facebook status so that other people can lol too!” Jill then gets seventy zillion comments saying “9gag” and “well, aren’t you so original.” Fuck you, Jill didn’t post that in the spirit of “I’m so funny, I came up with this all on my own! Marvel at my hilarity!” Jill posted it in the spirit of “This is funny, and because the world is such a miserable, dreary place, I wanted to brighten up your day by sharing it with you.”

So if you refuse to laugh at the same joke twice, if you discredit a statement because it’s been said before, or if you feel superior because you’ve done something before someone else – fuck you, no-one cares. Well done, you’re a super cool hipster; you showed everyone how awesome you are. Now go jump into a volcano before the lava gets cool.

Stupid hipsters piss me of.

Sympathy Boners

So, most of you are aware of the recent passing of Whitney Houston. Personally, this death did not affect me, but it did bring to my attention three things that kind of piss me off.

Firstly: people who jump on the drama bandwagon

So first of all everyone was like, “RIP” and all sad and shit. This kind of thing is fairly normal; we often feel like we know celebrities personally, because we follow their lives very closely and such. It’s normal for people to feel sad when a favourite celebrity dies and it’s normal for people to share their feelings over Facebook and such. So this didn’t bug me.

But it’s like when there’s any form of drama or tragedy, people have to join in. So a celebrity dies, and suddenly people who know two or three songs are posting “RIP” statuses and saying things like “We will always love you” (I did appreciate this wordplay). It’s like a new form of attention seeking. When there is an opportunity to participate in drama, people jump right on the bandwagon.

I don’t know if people are trying to prove that they are cultured or deep, or just simply trying to fit in (“I, like you, know who Whitney Houston is. Similarly I, like you, mourn her death. Therefore we are the same and that means I have social acceptance... blah blah blah” I could write a whole other rant about this – it’s called Herd Mentality). So people create drama where it is not needed and act like they are more deep/cultured/concerned than they really are. This annoys me generally, but you know what? It’s harmless; let people have their drama. It will pass in a few days.

But then comes: people who jump on the condescension bandwagon

The posts saying “RIP” and “We will always love you” (wordplay is still appreciated) are replaced with posts saying “OMG I hate it when people start liking a celebrity just because they died”. We all know it’s irritating. Honestly, it’s getting old in my opinion. You’re not the first person who’s realised that people become overnight fans when a celebrity passes away.  You’re not the first person who’s annoyed by it. You’re not being terribly clever or better than anyone else by pointing this out. You’re just parroting what everyone said about every other celebrity that has died.

In your efforts to put other people down for mindlessly following a trend, you yourself are mindlessly following a trend. In the process, you are prolonging your suffering – because people will inevitably argue with you, or post long comments agreeing with you. I’m sure you, like me, would rather just see the entire thing blow over and not let it carry on for longer than it needs to? The best way I can think of to sum that up is: why add fuel to a fire that pisses you off? (weak analogy – I know).

**I also realise that I’m writing an entire blog post about something that pisses me off and adding fuel to this metaphorical fire myself. I realise that this makes me a hypocrite. However, I’d like to point out that my blog is for entertainment purposes and not just a place for me to bitch, so pipe down**

So finally we come to: people who get giant sympathy boners

This is something I’ve noticed recently. I’ve seen posts all over saying “One person dies, a million cry” with a picture of Whitney Houston and then, next to it “A million die, no-one cries” with a picture of starving children or something similarly tragic.

**on a quick note I’d like to point out that this statement is very exaggerated, and both ignorant and arrogant – I’m sure that the children’s parents, siblings or friends cried when they died. Just because you, personally didn’t cry, doesn’t mean that many people didn’t mourn the death of these kids**

So now we have people who are effectively saying “You cry over something trivial like the death of a celebrity, but I worry about REAL things, like starving children and world hunger.” Well, I’m very proud of you for being such a fantastic person, well done. You’ve pointed out that there are starving children in the world, and put us all in our place. You also posted that picture from your computer, iPhone or Blackberry.

I’ve decided to call this ironic hypocrisy. You’re not a humanitarian, and posting soppy status/pictures of poverty and shit doesn’t make you one. At least people mourning for Whitney Houston have heard some of her songs, or at the very least recognise her name. Their grief is more valid than yours, logically.

So go take an emotional wank and get over yourself. Posting tragic pictures on Facebook/9gag doesn’t make you deep, it makes you a high-and-mighty tool.

So yeah, it pisses me off.

**On a side note, I’m still quite amused by the “We will always love you” thing. Clever wordplay gives me a giant erection. Also, I’m incredibly tired today so I’m sorry if this post is a bit incoherent/hard to follow/badly explained. Oh, and the term "Sympathy Boner" is stolen from Jennifer's Body. And "Emotional Wank" is stolen from Franki**

I See You're Getting On Your High Horse. Well, I Can See Up Your Nose.

So I have to rant about something that’s been bugging me a lot lately.

I’ve just gotten into University and I’ve registered for a BA in English. Seeing as I am a writer and I hope to one day make money from my writing, I figured that studying English would be a practical choice for improving my writing and learning more about my future career.

It seems that many people disagree. Here’s how the general conversation goes:

“So what are you studying?”

“English.”

“So, are you going to be an English teacher?”

“No.”

“So.... what are you going to do then?”

“I’m a writer.”

“Oh...”

There are then two possible responses:

1.       People tiptoe around the subject as if “I’m a writer” is synonymous with “I have an STD”. As if I have some sort of unfortunate affliction that it’s not polite to talk about – but they can still judge me because I’ve brought it upon myself

2.       “But like, seriously, for a job, how could you use that degree?”

So, I’d like to clear some things up.

Just as someone who wants to be a Doctor studies Medicine, I am studying English. This is my chosen career path. My dreams are of no less value than someone who decides to study Law, Medicine, or Economics – why should they be?

I have the same chance of success as anyone else, realistically. If I don’t reach my ultimate goal of becoming a famous, published author, then there are other ways I can make money by writing – in the same way that someone may never reach their ultimate goal of becoming a surgeon, but still make money from their medical degree.

You could say that money is the biggest factor here. That I will not make money from my writing or that I think writing will make me famous and rich. I do not want to write so I can become the next J.K. Rowling and be a billionaire. I want to write because that’s what I do, and who I am; I’m a writer. If I am only mildly successful, I would be earning a lot less than a mildly successful doctor. Does that give you the right to undermine my chosen career? There are many low-paying jobs that are still given respect. So money (or lack thereof) gives you no reason to be condescending.

Besides, people who choose to be in careers such as writing, acting, painting, dancing, playing music, etc, are aware of the fact that they might not make money. We know that there is a high possibility of us living close to poverty for our arts. We are not stupid, nor are we naive enough to believe that we are going to become rich and famous overnight. Most of us do what we do because we love it – not because if we make it big we will get lots of money. Honestly, the amount of money I make is not your concern anyway.

So, that brings me to my final point – that people think I am simply being lazy and choosing an easy subject, that I have no aspirations or that I’m just choosing a career that requires little effort from me. I won’t deny that I’m lazy, because I’m one of the laziest people you will ever meet. I don’t really use energy on something unless I consider it very important. It’s hard to get me motivated. Writing, reading and literature in general is the one thing that I always have been and always will be passionate about. As I’ve said many times already – I’m writer. That’s the one thing I know for sure about myself. So why would I waste my life doing anything else? Why not turn something that I love into something that other people can enjoy too? And why not make a living out of it?

Think about racism, or homophobia – judging someone because of who they are or what they have chosen in life. Prejudice is prejudice. And it’s still hurtful and offensive to the people being put down because of their choices. We live in a world where people have the right to dream and become whatever they want to be – that’s a great thing. Why would you get in the way of that with your judgements?

So, if anyone who has a problem with “impractical” careers and dreams could please just have some respect it would be greatly appreciated. Introvert a little and imagine what it would be like if your dreams were laughed at or looked down on.  Kinda pisses you off doesn’t it?

p.s. This blog is dedicated to the Supper Society :P My favourite actress, artist, and our two musicians.

Valentine's Day

So by popular demand (and by that I mean two people requested it), I’m writing a rant about Valentine’s Day. It’s not going to be what you want to hear though.

So, you’ve heard in every bad chick flick how Valentine’s Day is just an excuse for smug couples to show off. You’ve heard about how Valentine’s Day is just an opportunity for chocolate and flower companies to make more money. Blah, blah, blah, we hate Valentine’s Day.

In my opinion, Valentine’s Day has become a whole other holiday. It’s an opportunity for single people to feel sorry for themselves and it’s the one time a year when it’s socially acceptable to be a cynical pain in the ass.

Every year from about mid-January the posts start, “OMG it’s Valentine’s Day soon, kill me!” “Valentine’s Day is stupid”, “Greeting card companies invented Valentine’s Day,” it goes on and on.

We get it, you’re single and you’re unhappy about it. Get over it. 

Do you see Jewish people posting “OMG Christmas is just an excuse for stores to charge more and for spoiled kids to get more stuff,”? Just because all of that is probably true doesn’t mean that Christmas isn’t an awesome holiday. 

Imagine if poor people made you feel really guilty on Christmas because you can afford to get awesome presents and they can’t. It would take a beautiful holiday and turn it into something shitty wouldn’t it? Plus, it would take something positive like fucking CHRISTMAS and turn it into something negative. It’s not cool.

People in happy relationships are always annoying. They get so much hate from EVERYONE. This is the one time a year when you’re allowed to be nauseatingly, adorably in love. Just because they’re happy and want to show it off doesn’t mean they’re assholes. The fact that you resent their happiness makes you an asshole.

And ok, you can’t help it; jealousy is a part of human nature. When someone has something you can’t get, the only way to not become an alcoholic depressive is to tell yourself that you’re better than them. That’s OK. However, when people start publicly denouncing something just because they aren’t fortunate enough to experience it, it really annoys me. Being happy isn’t a crime, and seeing happiness shouldn’t piss you off. 

Think of it this way: how many of you get super irritated at Christians who are always bitching about Halloween? You wish they’d just keep their opinions to themselves right? You wish they wouldn’t dump all of that negativity diarrhoea on your holiday right? So what the fuck gives you the right to do that to Valentine’s Day? 

So a lot of you are probably thinking, “Well, it’s easy for her to say, she’s probably one of those couples, meh meh meh.” Let me just clear something up right now.

I’ve never had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. In my entire life I’ve gotten a total of 1 roses on Valentine’s Day, and that was from a friend. I’m recently single. I’m about as far from a happy couple as you can get. 

So for all of you single people: get over it. Just because you’re single doesn’t give you an excuse to be a whiny piece of shit. To all those couples out there, don’t let your single friends piss on your happiness with their own insecurities.

Let’s love each other this Valentine’s Day, ok? When Valentine’s Day comes around I’m going to smile and feel happy that there’s one day of the year when the people in this stupid world remember to love each other – even if it’s just because a calendar tells them to.

Politics

So this is my first political blog, aren't you excited? Shit just got real.

Aaaaaaannd the topic iiiiiisssss:
People who never stop complaining about their own country.

Yeah, you know who you are. You say things like, "I can't wait until I can get out of here," or "Only in (insert country name here)," or "You'd better get out of here while you still can," and any number of similar things.

The funny thing is that most of you are just repeating what you've heard other people say. Your parents, friends, and colleagues tell you that your country is going to the dogs, and you agree. Most people really don't know what they're talking about, and have never thought about it for long enough to form their own opinion. You don't know much about the laws and policies you complain about, you are convinced that a new law is going to be the downfall of your country, yet you know nothing about it. You're just parroting other people's complaints. It's ridiculous.

Most of my blogs are satyrical and humorous in nature - but this is a serious irritant for me. The second I hear someone bad-mouthing MY country, I am filled with the white-hot rage of a thousand Incredible Hulks.

The one that kills me is when people tell me how corrupt our government is. As if corrupt politicians are a rarity. Politicians are infamous for being corrupt! Seriously, the only complaint I have about the government is that they haven't had you put down already. But by all means, go and live in a less corrupt country, I hear Antartica has no corruption what-so-ever.

MY GOD!

As soon as something bad happens, financial, social, political, people are like "That's it! See, I told you this would happen! Our country is going under! Yes, we'd better get out now!" Their country can be good to them for years and years, but as soon as something goes wrong, people can't leave fast enough. It's like being married to someone, they treat you well, you fight every now and then, but generally they've never wronged you at all. Then this person gets sick (not terminally; just a bad flu, possibly mild pneumonia) and you say "That's it, I won't stand for this, I want a divorce." Socially, you'd be looked down upon as a spineless, heartless, scumbag. Yet people pat you on the back for doing the same thing to your country. Whatever happened to loyalty?

Then on the flipside, when something good happens, like if your country wins a sporting event, or makes an academic discovery, suddenly you're one of us again? No, consistency or GTFO.

If you hate your country so much, then why don't you leave instead of bitching about it all the time? No-one wants you here. Let's make a deal, you stop insulting MY country, and I won't insult your unforutnately low IQ; deal? Sweet.

No matter where you're from, there are going to be things about your country that people will travel thousands of kilometres to see, that people make documentaries about, that people dream of seeing for themselves. Every single country has something unique and magical about it, so why fixate on the flaws?

I'm Proudly South African. I love my country, passionately. Anyone who has a problem with my country has a problem with me. And, believe me when I say it pisses me off.